tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
