I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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