Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
