Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
