We won't sleep together?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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