I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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