That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
