You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
