are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize