i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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