Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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