No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
