im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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