go do what you do best...puke behind churches
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
