i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
