He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
