About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
