He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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