i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
