If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
