Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
