worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
