I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
