I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
