Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
