I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Enjoy the penises
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
