my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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