I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
even my farts smell like vagina
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This beer is not sobering me up at all
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize