it was like his penis was on wheels.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
