I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
