I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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