GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
