My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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