He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
