these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize