Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
