if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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