4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
