Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
