the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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