Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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