so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This toilet bowl is my home.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
