One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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