Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
