it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
