I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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