Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
