she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
