cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
