Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
