I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
