My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Damn victory sex feels great
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