I love black thongs
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
