I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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