he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bring money and cleavage
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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