Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
