if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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