we have officially lost it.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize