Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
