Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
