So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
