How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
