if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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