Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
