I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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