She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
