I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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