I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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