You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just invented taco cereal.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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