areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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