I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
