I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
