Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
