It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
