every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
