no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
