cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
