He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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