I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
