Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
