The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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