I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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