the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
