Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
