Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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