We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
FUCK WHALES
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
