after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
