On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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