There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
