The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
