I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
