I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
