I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
