farters have to be the big spoon...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize