What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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