No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
