There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
