the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize