I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's just like the Real World with babies
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
