Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
