I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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