Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
