pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
