good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
