I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im six kinds of drunk right now
well you can't waste a boner
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
