We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize