I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
